.:Within the Riddle, Riddling Mind:.

Where we practice our right to express our opinions on many things in general.

10-12-09

Alright, then. It hasn't been too long now, has it? A year and two months. . .

Er, I fell into a vortex? Actually, no, scratch that. The planet exploded and The Asian One and myself went hitch-hiking about the galaxy with a glorious guide telling us not to panic! (Is anyone willing to believe that? If not, I have the picture to prove it! Unfortunately, it's a computer generated cartoon created by the Viscerotonic Viraginian Vatic with Vagaries and Venerated by all in all Veracity--whom I will call The Curly-Haired One for simplicities sake.)

At any rate, I come bearing a spiel! I hope. I'm really just making this up as I go along.

Todays focus, though: people. (Oh, isn't it always?) More specifically, their knack to presumptuously take it upon themselves to assume they could possibly comprehend what's going through another's mind.

It's there everyday, isn't it? Simple remarks, really. Said lightly, not meant to mean anything. I honestly wonder if normal people would pick them out. (Although, that's an entirely different question: what's normal? Surely not me? Not I. Not when I take it upon myself to lock myself away from any and all humanity any chance I have and surround myself with degrading silence and forsaken thoughts. Only to go mad. What can I say, I'm a mental masochist.) At any rate, I make "introvert" and understatement and am hardly the social creature humans are allegedly meant to be by nature. So, not normal.

My observations are limited. I'm ever so easily distracted. But the snippits that catch my ear and spark my easy anger are plentiful. Minor statements presuming to know what I'm thinking. What I intend to do. What I have done. What I might do in a certain situation. Who, ultimately, I am.

And I don't like it.

As well, I make many faces. Some I'm not even aware of. And yet they enjoy pointing them out, saying what they mean. What I'm feeling. How angered I am. Or that I'm confused. Any presumption of emotion. On occasion, fine, The Asian One might be right. But only she. No other, though they so often try. And it's not even always that The Asian One is correct either.

Do I correct them? No.

I scarcely ever correct anyone. Except with their English sometimes. A side effect of being so terrible an introvert, I suppose. Or simply not trusting anyone enough to not fear the reactions. But I keep my corrections inside my mind. And thus, my anger easily tapped.

All the same, is it not still presumptuous? Offensive? Crude?

Or am I simply making a mountain out of a mole-hill again?

I suppose I do that a lot--I'm still being pestered about something that happened in early summer because I simply refuse to let things go. I'm miserable like that. And it's abosolutely terrible, but I will never change. It's the way of my person. Just as everyone else has certain ways that they harbor and detest but all the same could never live without. It's a part of me.

The thing is, I honestly don't know if this is just me or not. Because I worry insanely over the stupidest things. And it makes absolutely no sense.

I have another question, though. Because I truly wonder, is anyone ever what they want to be?

Because that is one of the things I sit and wonder about often times. One of those foresaken thoughts that only hurry madness along faster and carry salty tears on its winds. Because of how hard it's become to be both the right thing and what you want to be.

I've arrived at the point where I do not want to be a bad person, I know this. I've gone quite some time without actually harming another person. Though I've never done it intentionally. I just. . . I get so mad I lose control. However, to be called nice or compassionate confuses me and halts my mind. An image of a train, as fast as it could possibly be going, only to come to a perfect stop in milliseconds. The cars attached rearing off to the side in a jumbled mess.

That would be my head. In short.

My disappointment is guilt. And (after subjecting myself to yet another bloody head analysis which I hope to never, ever do again) apparently that's because I care deeply for others.

Unfortunately, I can't take that very well.

And I wonder how well others actually handle situations. If they hold as many veneers and simply look so joyful, or if they really are that put together. I wonder how many other people distrust and can't let go of things so painful. I stare into happy faces and fear that the joy is true. And yet I'm not jealous, because I find it empty. And still I wonder.

~ The Redheaded One
8-15-08

So I've been excogitating, and I suppose I set about the inception of another wretched rant. Well, more of a ponder really, because half the time I'd love for an answer myself. Today's babble centers mainly around one simple question: are people deliberately malicious?

It's simple things I notice, or at least have been lately. Such as with my first post when family would intentionally go against the bubble I had created, even after its importance had been explained. Perhaps others being extremely loud when they know that I have a migraine, that mine are medicine worthy. A teacher who pushes things for the joy of seeing another tic. All in all, very similar to my previous post, but this time to question how much is truly meant to be malicious. Or at least why.

I can't seem to fully understand a human's desire to watch another crumble. It makes me a bit a hypocrite for my own horrible actions, but I hope to think that my actions are merely grudges and and admittedly cruel rants. However, everything I do I have had viable reason for, or at least I believe so. A long list for each tempest, whether a person chooses to trust my word on that or not. I do, however, have The Asian One as defence as she has been witness to many of these lists.

As my own person, I hold grudges against people who have harmed me physically or emotionally, no matter how few deep emotions I choose to show in person. Never have I injured a person simply because they were of a certain religion, though my views in that field certainly have made a few want to do so to me. Oh, I might say things, yes, indeed. Incontrovertibly, I don't have the greatest track record in the world to make a person trust me, but I never inflict my views on another. No matter how many religious people remain obstreperous in trying to convert all others.

I detest religion, and I can proudly state that, because it makes absolutely no sense to me. I was baptized as a Catholic and went to many church services and a great deal of religion classes, only to plead with my mother to discontinue them. My grandmother was Jewish, and I will hardly hate a person for their religion, but if it's pushed on me, then I'll yell. After all, if the alleged god created the earth, then what created him? My religion teacher said a magic that was always there, but nothing was always there in a vast emptiness.

Besides, what could have been here before everything? Nothing. Not a void. Not dark, not light. Not black, not white. It's like death, it's simply impossible to grasp with the human mind. Even a scientific approach entails that something was there. So, maybe that's why I'm a writer, I can question things without need of an answer to be disappointed in.

Back on track, though, I could never judge a person because they're gay or bi. Not like some religious people I know do: what ever happened to the alleged god creating everyone equal? How is that any worse than considering females subsidiary? I thought the world was moving on, moving forward. Or, at least, that's what the media likes to say, but what is that but a bunch of liars anyways?

I could never do these things, because I have. Because I've detached a braid from a girls head and never flinched until a day later when my father talked to me. Not when any of the first seven or so figures had it out with me did I so much as blink, but when my father simply talked to me so much later, I finally felt guilty. I've written and spoken words that made people break down and cry before I exited elementary school. I kicked people from chairs for jokes and pushed people off things. Retaliation always was my key. Even now I keep my words and hold record for the longest grudge, but I like to think I'm toned down.

Worst of all, though, I have a gay uncle that I would never go within ten feet of. A man that blocked out entirely from my memory until my grandmother died all because of the community I grew up in. Possibly the best uncle I truly have, considering my family, and the kindest despite everything we've all put him through. And, I did exactly what everyone will do today. Which is why I can't understand it. Which is why I can't do any of that.

Despite living it all, I can't understand it. Maybe that's something most people don't get. The reasons fade away so quickly, probably entirely foolish if I could remember them. Which is why I need a whole list to go against a person now, though I've been told I'm still impossibly cold and cruel when I do. The only thing that lasts is the horrible way you look at yourself. A feeling that will never go away, and so the only thing you can do is continue being that same person to feel good or watch and wonder of the other people. And, the feeling will never leave.

~ The Redheaded One
7-28-08

A new day, a new pondering. And, perhaps something I should have wondered a long time ago. Actually, something I did wonder a while ago, posted elsewhere, and have always wished to understand. The only downfall appears to be that nobody can come up with a decent reason, no matter how much time they are given.

Kind of disappointing really, off-putting and disgraceful a fact about human beings in kind. Always ready to stand and fight for themselves, against another. More than eager to take arms, take lives, stand for a country and against another which they may even have distantly come from. Their etymology remains secret, to themselves, and they may very well blow it off the face of the earth, destroy every living creature, human or not, who is different, by means of cleansing.

So, today's question is: why can no one on this planet get along with anyone? It's there everyday, sisters hold each other in grudging light and cannot stand to be in one another's presence. Whether it be because they had spent far too much time together growing up or else they are so very different that everything about the other disgust the original to pieces.

You walk across it in school. Age old friends refusing to speak to one another because one might have done something, told a secret they were not supposed to because they love the drama and the excitement. Whatever happened to getting along peacefully? To keeping a promise and remembering one's word? When did a friendship become a curse rather than a gift, something to cherish? When did it happen that a friend must be regarded and held under surveillance much like a common criminal? And when did humans fall to such corruption?

America, "the great American melting pot" if I remember correctly from the movies my teachers used to have us watch. None of us have a clean American past. None of us are native to here. Some are German, some Italian, Canadian, French, Swedish, who knows what. And plenty of us are a great mixture of plenty of those. I don't remember what my biology teacher had called it--mucks? mutts?--something to that extent. But the point is, we are the world. We are all of the other continents, however morphed and disgusting. And how do we settle our problems with those continents that hold our pasts and probably are very distant or not so distant relatives? We try to destroy them. Blow them of the face of the earth and kill every living being on them.

When did it happen that we could no longer get along? When did it happen that a person began to take pride and joy in aggravating another? That a person could happily say that it was fun to annoy a person? That it could be light-hearted fun on the surface when the one being pestered may be taking something far deeper than anyone had intended.

When did people become oblivious to feelings and emotions of others, the very stomach curdling fears and scares that creep upon them themselves? When did people become unfeeling monsters?

~ The Redheaded One
6-27-08

Money, family, opinions. Diverse enough, right? But then, we should all (hopefully) know by now that I take far too much pride in finding the missing link that ties different things together. Or else be prepared to learn as much...

Alas, so what do they all have in common? The invisible tie, at least to the human eye (No, that was not intended to rhyme, honestly much to cheesy. Agreed?). All the same, easy enough, they mean absolutely nothing. At least, on a blank scale (so to speak). Empty of human consciousness... well, not exactly, moreover lacking completely in the bickering debacle of views and rather pestiferous people (pusillanimous poltroons, I like to call them) who simply cannot get along to save their lives and must place a set scale upon everything in this world.

Natural, we don't need it. How I would like to bet that's going through hundreds of heads right about now without my prompting. Nonetheless, the three have in common that they only mean what they do because of stupid, fleeting humans--unlikely on the Earth for a second in comparison to its vast history, and yet apparently worthy of controlling everything.

Money: a pointless slip of green paper that has value only because people have designated it so. What of Monopoly money? Technically similar enough, and yet it means nothing. What of bartering anymore? Actually, bartering might be a prime example: one cup may be half as valuable to the shop owner than the bargainer. All based upon human views, which hardly ever coincide with one another. So why is money so great? Maybe someone prefers bartering, or something that you can actually see the value of. Get with it, you can use a cup or felt, where will a slip of green paper ever get you if you want to live?

Family as well: in one person's view nothing more than bloodsucking leaches found within the realm of humanity's illusions and lies; those one is allegedly closest to for blood is thicker than water. Truly, in the reality we wish to remain so locked away from, users, phonies and fakes who care no more about you than mule feces. In another person's innermost thoughts, a part of a human being themselves, someone always there to depend upon, a constant. Variables. Differences. Hardly ever similar.

So then, opinions: that which both the above are based upon. Something a person may demand of another only to smite them for as they disagree so highly. That infinitesimal flash when a person is offended because of their own views upon a simple word in a mere phrase. No physical action necessary, no punching, kicking, or head bashing. No chairs set to strike another, no knives about to kill. An opinion, an utterance, all it takes to do just about everything. So important to the creator, the speaker, only because it is what they want, yet to another something to be spit upon, destroyed and distorted. Only built up or brought down because of people. Nothing, really. Simple words, meaningless. Letters corresponding in a sentence.

The purpose then, the point: never take something too seriously, never set anything upon a pedestal where it shall so soon be fallen. All versatile and likely desired destroyed by another. Only built up by a human, that same being which takes such great proud in harming the very environment within which we reside. Nothing, pointless, absurd, ridiculous and senseless. Foolishness, the imbecility of people.

I fear I am much too fond of the letter P...

~ The Redheaded One
6-7-08

Yes, we all know how greatly revered the babbling here is, so then it must be updated.
That, and places simply need life, I hear, otherwise they simply decay and dissolve into oblivion.
But, that could be for another time and another rant.
Today's glorious topic will be something more along the lines of... politics?
Yes, sure, why not?

The thing is, no human could possibly agree with politics.
Politics are ever changing, and do people like change?
No, of course not.
Human beings loathe everything and anything new and/or different unless it benefits them and destroys the rest of the universe in which they reside.
Therefore, no, politics are never supported. Or, very largely.

Better yet, though, why do animals have more rights than humans?
I know: Because the allegedly greater humans were able to torture them.
So, the allegedly greater humans, what with their wondrous system of laws, must then demean the innocent beings as well and give animals (who, of course, couldn't possibly follow their laws) more rights.
All hail the animals; yes, they're far greater than humans.
Actually, it would be quite just is there was a Narnian-like mutiny growing about in which the animals destroyed humans.
Still, if humans are so mighty and supposedly in charge, I wonder why that might have happened?

Then, has anybody taken it about themselves to count the amount of people in our (American) political system?
We have far too many.
My father and I actually had this talk:
They could all be lined up and have every other person fired.
The taxes would be cheaper and, guess what, the government wouldn't suffer in the least.

Besides, what's with what people are doing with the bloody taxes?
It's all tilly-vally!
Honestly, my school gets a greater budget to do construction.
It takes far too long to do the construction (And, yes, I do actually know what I'm talking about, considering my entire paternal family's been involved in construction for years. As well as myself, somewhat).
Then, they have the girls walk through a place with signs specifically pointing out lead poisoning to get to their changing room for gym. (Though that's a bit out of context with this rant.)
Back on track though, they spend tax money on--what, flat screen?--T.V.s, and quite a few of them. For the lunch rooms.
Which no one truly watches anyways.

As well, there was that bit about the government "cracking down."
Having a curfew and such.
There were supposedly police officers working 16 hour shifts a day.
Which would mean they had six hours to go home, take a shower, eat, have family time and the like.
Not to mention sleep.
Sorry, not everyone's an insomniac like me:
That means there's a fair few officers sleeping in some alley on duty.

So, I think that could be considered a termination (for now) to my government bashing.
I also think this makes me the one who'll be considered 'the bitch' of the co-owners...

~ The Redheaded One
5-31-08

Well now, how might this be for an opening rant?
Or rather, loquacious babble, for those who prefer verbosity.
Why is it a person must be intransigently seen about as a child?
Why is it that no matter what good they do, they are never seen as fit for growing room?
Or, perhaps such statement's relevancy is limited...

What I fear is that certain beings, such as family are set to never change a mindset.
The most malleable of creatures can be adament and unchanging.
What if the way one may have been as younger is forever imprinted as a label for them?
Why must it be that in those we must allegedly be closest to we have reputation the strongest?
A reputation that may be irreversible?

Why is it that such people cannot respect personal space.
This, as it so happens, is much the most common.
At least, as per my family.
Who knows for another's? I don't feel like judging just yet.
Perhaps I'll save my nit-picking and assumptions for another day, lest I get yelled at.
What I mean to say is, specific to myself--which means it may or may not be applicable to another and I do not wish to be a redhead fried to irking another and insinuating that their family may be entirely wretched (though I may not be too keen on the subject).
I am long-since the youngest of my generation.
I'm also--hautain as it is to say it--far the smartest.
Plus the least likely to get pregnant in high school (not to offend one who has done so, but I find it recurring to most).
Alas, I have this great issue that I cannot possibly be viewed as a teenager with a brain.
No, 'tis much more important to poke the ticklish girl 'til she falls off her chair and whacks her head. Hard.
Where is the joy for me?
And, why should that be fun for those who are said to care most for myself?
Hence the upcoming of a bubble, the bubble.

Which is to say, I don't get it.
People grow.
Bodies grow.
Cells mitotically reproduce.
Dead and decaying somatic bits are replaced.
Non-common sense (as we creators like to call it) generally becomes keener.
Why then can a person not grow in the eyes of another?
Especially those who are supposedly the closest, most important few?

~ The Redheaded One